unlike past posts full of woe is me and how bad it is and all that ive decided to make 2012 something a bit diffrent or at least try ,
I am going to put down some goals and work towards them , will i fail? will i do even half of them? i dont know but i have to try , for without hope i am but a shadow of a shadow ,
This is the year of the dragon and i will coil the serpent around my fingers for a change instead of chasing it. So wha i am i doing you ask with baited breath? well for starters my self and slave will be losing some weight , i need to lose about 30 kgs im sure slave wants to look even more fab than she dose , i am going to look into more kink ware to make or build , i also like to try to find slave a bi playmate , no im not looking for full time but if she can have someone that she can enjoy that side of her , give her the best of both words in some ways , I feel postive i can find someone that works and could fit in ,
and thats it i feel positive for the first time in some time i feel like it can all work out that i can be more than i have been , not sure if its the caffine in my sstem or the fact im listening to rammstein lol but i feel if i work hard and play right i can do anything ,
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
who watches the watcher ?
im unhappy , i feel like curling into a ball and just telling the universe to go away , and yet im not sadden as much with my brothers death firmly lodged in my brain , its more my failings as a master and a farther to my family ,
i feel more alone today than i think i could ever feel , no thats not totally true i am numb i can put the smile on my face i can wave my hand and say im good but honestly im not , i dont know what to do at the moment
I want to be more than i am i want to create but my hands my mind my being stops me , like a wall that i cannot climb , i see it all in front of me the ideas flow but the hands do not follow ,i look at things and say yes but its no ,
i feel with my knees so sore my weight gain my lack of skills im a dead weight to this family , my only hope is skills , i need to be re trained to transform into smoething more that what i am now , all my life i just worked i had to work and yet i want to be greedy i want to choose a job this time not just take anything , problem is what , security is all ive done , i wouldnt know what do even look at ,woodworking, welding .... leather work ? i have books of leather fasion ideas i have books full of bdsm kink ideas but my hands fail me to create them , i have become numb , so for now im sure slave is in the other room waiting for my post and bubba is behind me crying dad i want out theres no food in here , i will sum up
all my life in warhammer or models ive created i loved it i make stuff out of junk , i look at all these great kink ideas and want to make them in indulge my senses but i feel ive hit a wall , i dont have any skills to make them and could i do it to make money too ? is there a market i can do in perth to make these items and live off it or am i blowing my wang to the wind? lol
as for the remark who watches the watcher , i watch alot of these porn sites see these amazing looking ppl in exotic places being bound in some great and amazing items and all i do is watch , maybe its time soon i stop watching and act out my desire of this
i feel more alone today than i think i could ever feel , no thats not totally true i am numb i can put the smile on my face i can wave my hand and say im good but honestly im not , i dont know what to do at the moment
I want to be more than i am i want to create but my hands my mind my being stops me , like a wall that i cannot climb , i see it all in front of me the ideas flow but the hands do not follow ,i look at things and say yes but its no ,
i feel with my knees so sore my weight gain my lack of skills im a dead weight to this family , my only hope is skills , i need to be re trained to transform into smoething more that what i am now , all my life i just worked i had to work and yet i want to be greedy i want to choose a job this time not just take anything , problem is what , security is all ive done , i wouldnt know what do even look at ,woodworking, welding .... leather work ? i have books of leather fasion ideas i have books full of bdsm kink ideas but my hands fail me to create them , i have become numb , so for now im sure slave is in the other room waiting for my post and bubba is behind me crying dad i want out theres no food in here , i will sum up
all my life in warhammer or models ive created i loved it i make stuff out of junk , i look at all these great kink ideas and want to make them in indulge my senses but i feel ive hit a wall , i dont have any skills to make them and could i do it to make money too ? is there a market i can do in perth to make these items and live off it or am i blowing my wang to the wind? lol
as for the remark who watches the watcher , i watch alot of these porn sites see these amazing looking ppl in exotic places being bound in some great and amazing items and all i do is watch , maybe its time soon i stop watching and act out my desire of this
Thursday, December 29, 2011
the heat the hurt and the lonelyness
Well christmas is done and dusted and we had a blast , i got some nice new kinky ,,,,,, i dont know why im writing all this only one that reads this is slave , i dont have any freinds or even anyone that reads this
Its odd the more i hear about these freinds i wounder what my life would have been with them , would i have been a better or worse person?
I can understand the conecpt of freinds how it works .....................to a point , not ever having one i can only assume so much , at the moment i get most of it , someone i can go over have a coffee talk about this and that , talk "shop" with , but im not sure if i can trust some one im not sleeping with with so much, my kink lifestyle means i have to keep many things hidden and to be honest 99% of the kink ppl arent the type i want to know that well , ive been there and thhere all so clickly so , inner circle and back stabbing . i ended up being fearful of munches to be honest , the back stabbing mind control who is in and who isnt lol ,
For now i do feel alone, slae is great and her and the boy are my lil perfection , but i have to admit , i do want to try this freinds thing , it seems nice someone i can hang with .... and i want slave to make new freinds and have her go off do coffee and cake and the like
The heat the last few days has been monsterous , i mean fucking hell so hot i cannot even move outside cos of the heat BUT its worse now , im hurting and hurting bad bad and oh my god bad , its turned very muggy here and my left knee is hurting bad, normally to hurt this bad i would need to be at work for 12 hours and on my feet for most of it , but i woke up with it and fucking hell dose it hurt ,
Slave bought me this amazing book ,,,,,here i go again , slave is the only one that reads this and yet i assume im writing for a grop of ppl intersted in my life , its fair to say im a loner have been all my life , the outcast the forsaken , problem is now i want to try to be more , b ut i have no idea , how do you pic a freind and how dose this bond grow?
im outer my depths here , mayeb i just need to find a young Dom or sub and help them though there early years of kink talk them though it ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,no that wouldnt work they would go to muches hear im a serial killer or rapist or god knows what these days ,
vanilla freind it is and keep the real me hidden ,,,,,no that dont work cos im keeping things from my new freind , back to me world lol im not perfect far from it but i think its safer there untill i find some one who as slave puts it , trys hard to be my freind then i will try back hard . sadly i dont se anyone even trying lol
Its odd the more i hear about these freinds i wounder what my life would have been with them , would i have been a better or worse person?
I can understand the conecpt of freinds how it works .....................to a point , not ever having one i can only assume so much , at the moment i get most of it , someone i can go over have a coffee talk about this and that , talk "shop" with , but im not sure if i can trust some one im not sleeping with with so much, my kink lifestyle means i have to keep many things hidden and to be honest 99% of the kink ppl arent the type i want to know that well , ive been there and thhere all so clickly so , inner circle and back stabbing . i ended up being fearful of munches to be honest , the back stabbing mind control who is in and who isnt lol ,
For now i do feel alone, slae is great and her and the boy are my lil perfection , but i have to admit , i do want to try this freinds thing , it seems nice someone i can hang with .... and i want slave to make new freinds and have her go off do coffee and cake and the like
The heat the last few days has been monsterous , i mean fucking hell so hot i cannot even move outside cos of the heat BUT its worse now , im hurting and hurting bad bad and oh my god bad , its turned very muggy here and my left knee is hurting bad, normally to hurt this bad i would need to be at work for 12 hours and on my feet for most of it , but i woke up with it and fucking hell dose it hurt ,
Slave bought me this amazing book ,,,,,here i go again , slave is the only one that reads this and yet i assume im writing for a grop of ppl intersted in my life , its fair to say im a loner have been all my life , the outcast the forsaken , problem is now i want to try to be more , b ut i have no idea , how do you pic a freind and how dose this bond grow?
im outer my depths here , mayeb i just need to find a young Dom or sub and help them though there early years of kink talk them though it ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,no that wouldnt work they would go to muches hear im a serial killer or rapist or god knows what these days ,
vanilla freind it is and keep the real me hidden ,,,,,no that dont work cos im keeping things from my new freind , back to me world lol im not perfect far from it but i think its safer there untill i find some one who as slave puts it , trys hard to be my freind then i will try back hard . sadly i dont se anyone even trying lol
Thursday, December 22, 2011
in the dark you see the brightest of lights
So where are we now?
Slave had said a bad bad word and had me very very upset, she wanted to be punished , so very much , but bye holding off on spanking her bye caning her bye giving her what she wanted did 2 things , allowed me to calm down as i never give a punishment when angry , and allowed her to need hunger crave it and that was a punishment into its self ,
So after the paly and 2 broken canes there was tears that the word would not be mentioned again , i hope not for next time i will break 5 canes on her body and mabe some fire play might be bough into it too ,
In my mind a punishment should be just that , not a spanking wich is the day to day play for us , not a orgsam control that has her crying out to cum , this needs to be given hard and have her body feel it for some times afterwards , i want every ache she feels even ouchie when she sits down to know why it all hurts , and that is because of 1 word , 1 word that got master very very upset and very angry,
But in the darkest of nights comes the brightest of lights and she has proven to me how much of a good slave she can be , so were become closer from this bonded more , more giggle smiles and fun flow into our lives like a river of kink ,
Im sure must look at what i write with a blank look , but to me and my slave were like 2 vines twisiting around each other , we are 2 of the same thing just 1 is a Dom 1 is a slave , to us this is normal our life in bliss happyness and kink and it is truly a gift from the gods.
So for now i say good day its the boys birthday tomorrow and christmas the next day , i look forward to all of it with hope in m heart and love ,
be well all ( not sure if anyone dose read this )
Master
Slave had said a bad bad word and had me very very upset, she wanted to be punished , so very much , but bye holding off on spanking her bye caning her bye giving her what she wanted did 2 things , allowed me to calm down as i never give a punishment when angry , and allowed her to need hunger crave it and that was a punishment into its self ,
So after the paly and 2 broken canes there was tears that the word would not be mentioned again , i hope not for next time i will break 5 canes on her body and mabe some fire play might be bough into it too ,
In my mind a punishment should be just that , not a spanking wich is the day to day play for us , not a orgsam control that has her crying out to cum , this needs to be given hard and have her body feel it for some times afterwards , i want every ache she feels even ouchie when she sits down to know why it all hurts , and that is because of 1 word , 1 word that got master very very upset and very angry,
But in the darkest of nights comes the brightest of lights and she has proven to me how much of a good slave she can be , so were become closer from this bonded more , more giggle smiles and fun flow into our lives like a river of kink ,
Im sure must look at what i write with a blank look , but to me and my slave were like 2 vines twisiting around each other , we are 2 of the same thing just 1 is a Dom 1 is a slave , to us this is normal our life in bliss happyness and kink and it is truly a gift from the gods.
So for now i say good day its the boys birthday tomorrow and christmas the next day , i look forward to all of it with hope in m heart and love ,
be well all ( not sure if anyone dose read this )
Master
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
travel in time and space
wowy what a week its been , ive been feeling rung out washed out dryed out and left to rot lol
to say its been a lil nuts would be a lie and to say we havent had problems would also be it , slave is feeeling a lil down and i know someof it is the though of christmas without the boy , and i wish i could wack her ex in the balls and say oi listen to her pain BUT he has rights too , haivng a dauther (9) to someone else i know all too well the bum steer dads can get ,
I can only hope that her big uber shiny computer will dent that gloom and she can be the hammy girl with her new shiny . I also am annoyed with my lack of control with her , im not sure if its cos its cristmas or im just feeling the heat or what , i hunger for it but after i go off to work ( wich is a small amount ) theres only a few short hours before bed and to be honest i want to talk to her listen to how her day has been m, her fears hopes and dreams , she is my slave but as much as being my slave she is my love my kitty girl xxxxx
I think the days off will have more meaning once the boy has gone to bed , i have some worry about the new stoocks they are either too small for her or if i prop them up on a table too high , , we will see its all a work in progress
Master
to say its been a lil nuts would be a lie and to say we havent had problems would also be it , slave is feeeling a lil down and i know someof it is the though of christmas without the boy , and i wish i could wack her ex in the balls and say oi listen to her pain BUT he has rights too , haivng a dauther (9) to someone else i know all too well the bum steer dads can get ,
I can only hope that her big uber shiny computer will dent that gloom and she can be the hammy girl with her new shiny . I also am annoyed with my lack of control with her , im not sure if its cos its cristmas or im just feeling the heat or what , i hunger for it but after i go off to work ( wich is a small amount ) theres only a few short hours before bed and to be honest i want to talk to her listen to how her day has been m, her fears hopes and dreams , she is my slave but as much as being my slave she is my love my kitty girl xxxxx
I think the days off will have more meaning once the boy has gone to bed , i have some worry about the new stoocks they are either too small for her or if i prop them up on a table too high , , we will see its all a work in progress
Master
Saturday, December 17, 2011
As she sleeps
Well its been a mixed bag weekend , i had planned a sexual sensual kink play with slave however we decided to go to roleplay wich is fine i know she REALLY wanted to go , but now she feels guilty that we didnt get our time to be our kink selves , she dosnt need to feel like this , yes the time is gone and we can look back , but its gone smile and look forward to next time , dont dwell on what might have happened , I love my slave i really do , but its all about time magment , we have maybe 42 hours without the boy where we can just get our kink on hard core when i dont have work ,
Work is the pickel problem , be the time i get home it gives maybe a hour for eating and talking and its her bed time , she needs her sleep to heal her body , I do miss slave in her bubble but i also know the real world is ever pushing us into its relm so once again time mangament , dosnt me we cannot play just have to use the time we have the best we can
I should go wake her up give her a coffee and tell how cute she looks all snuggled up in the minky blanket lol
shes so cute
Master
Work is the pickel problem , be the time i get home it gives maybe a hour for eating and talking and its her bed time , she needs her sleep to heal her body , I do miss slave in her bubble but i also know the real world is ever pushing us into its relm so once again time mangament , dosnt me we cannot play just have to use the time we have the best we can
I should go wake her up give her a coffee and tell how cute she looks all snuggled up in the minky blanket lol
shes so cute
Master
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
back in the bubble
Ive written and deleted my post like 7 times in the last few days , but its been a case of i didnt like it or i feel slave will take offense to things i say, Slave is going through a rough patch with her illness and a bad bad hoopencough wich im still stuggling to get over , so for the most part all pla sadly is on hold
this is going to change shortly , it will be light more mental i need slave to once again enter the bubble and stay there , she has been very , nit picky of late and grumpy and that is cos of her illness , and ive allowed the bratty side to come out and time to nip it in the bud , its also time we took i think our place up a notch or 2 , i wont say how but slave will understand when she see's it , im going to make sure i can keep her in that bubble pretty much 24/7 , its costing me a fortune but well worth it .
I am a bit worried about slaves mental mindset too , ive worked hard and as fast as i can to get her a new uber super duper computer and do i get a kiss and a smile or the hammy hyper excited look what time getting ,,,,,no , im not saying slave is being mean , im saying im worried cos if i was getting a super duper computer id be checking the door every hour till it arrives and be ultra excited lol
So i think slave is really , i will double my efforts to make her feel her submission and my love
Master
this is going to change shortly , it will be light more mental i need slave to once again enter the bubble and stay there , she has been very , nit picky of late and grumpy and that is cos of her illness , and ive allowed the bratty side to come out and time to nip it in the bud , its also time we took i think our place up a notch or 2 , i wont say how but slave will understand when she see's it , im going to make sure i can keep her in that bubble pretty much 24/7 , its costing me a fortune but well worth it .
I am a bit worried about slaves mental mindset too , ive worked hard and as fast as i can to get her a new uber super duper computer and do i get a kiss and a smile or the hammy hyper excited look what time getting ,,,,,no , im not saying slave is being mean , im saying im worried cos if i was getting a super duper computer id be checking the door every hour till it arrives and be ultra excited lol
So i think slave is really , i will double my efforts to make her feel her submission and my love
Master
Thursday, December 8, 2011
back to the grind
Well looks like im back at work tomorrow wich means with such short notice i have to stay up late tonight , to try to get back into the swing of night shift , and feeling alot better , slave isnt too happy i MIGHT be working over the cristmas break , work are like a pack of jumping beans they say im this then that or this and then im here , so to say honestly i am working , lol im not holding my breath , i think they will likey offer it to someone and swap it with me so i dont get the freaking huge amount of money over tha weekend , but we will see ,
Glad to say cough is going down , i had a small play with slave this morning , 10 mins and i was worn out but means im getting that old feeling back again ,
all in time i think , like my recovery from being so sick , i will get back on my feel , small play here and there so we can start that play we both love and that control we both hunger for .
So for now its good night, star trek night and i want to spend it with m hot lil slave
:)
Master
Glad to say cough is going down , i had a small play with slave this morning , 10 mins and i was worn out but means im getting that old feeling back again ,
all in time i think , like my recovery from being so sick , i will get back on my feel , small play here and there so we can start that play we both love and that control we both hunger for .
So for now its good night, star trek night and i want to spend it with m hot lil slave
:)
Master
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
hoopen cough
this cough has really hit me bad this morning , i cough and i cough bad :( was up at 3 to start with cough really flemmy now very painful to cough , up at 4-30 as the cough was so bad i had trouble breathing while in bed ,
This cough has hit my plans for kink the the back door and then some , i miss the control of slave to the high level i hunger for but , this and now the fear of re giving it to the boy means any play has to take a back seat , sadly
So for now i will cough and cough and have alot of troble breathing and i hope in a few weeks i will be back fighting fit and my full control as per normal
on a personal note ( IF THERE IS SUCH A THING ON A BLOG ) THIS COUGH IS REALLY WEARING ME DOWN MENTALLY i say it in caps cos ive not been this sick in many many years , 1 thing master dislikes is being sick and helpless lol
Master
This cough has hit my plans for kink the the back door and then some , i miss the control of slave to the high level i hunger for but , this and now the fear of re giving it to the boy means any play has to take a back seat , sadly
So for now i will cough and cough and have alot of troble breathing and i hope in a few weeks i will be back fighting fit and my full control as per normal
on a personal note ( IF THERE IS SUCH A THING ON A BLOG ) THIS COUGH IS REALLY WEARING ME DOWN MENTALLY i say it in caps cos ive not been this sick in many many years , 1 thing master dislikes is being sick and helpless lol
Master
Sunday, December 4, 2011
of mice and men
well the best plans i had failed and how , the flu has hit us all hard me most of all , i sound like in in a tunnel or something , worst part is i wasnt able to do the things i had planned for slave and now i fear she is out of her lil bubble , something i didnt want to happen , i feel some times i push my self too hard and sometimes i feel i dont ,
the good news is about 11 pm tonight the cristmas bug bit me lol i wondered what slave had gotten me and my mind wandered , ussaly i dont care , im a bastard to buy for and its hard , not that it should be a case of that will do or something like this or that , it should be about love showing someone love with a gift they had no idea about , i think the best gifts are when someone gets something they really need but never knew it , Im not saying my giflts are like that but i wish they was , anyways i got the christmas bug lol wich has its good and bad points ,
so for now , im sick of being sick i want christmas to come quicker and i want to spank my kitty girl and kiss her cute lil body
Night all
Master
the good news is about 11 pm tonight the cristmas bug bit me lol i wondered what slave had gotten me and my mind wandered , ussaly i dont care , im a bastard to buy for and its hard , not that it should be a case of that will do or something like this or that , it should be about love showing someone love with a gift they had no idea about , i think the best gifts are when someone gets something they really need but never knew it , Im not saying my giflts are like that but i wish they was , anyways i got the christmas bug lol wich has its good and bad points ,
so for now , im sick of being sick i want christmas to come quicker and i want to spank my kitty girl and kiss her cute lil body
Night all
Master
Friday, December 2, 2011
in sickness and in health
well what a few days its been the boy sick as a doggy and i am unable to help him , to wash away his tears and make the fever go away , its not helped bye the fact im sick and so is slave , even now slave and i have been snipping at each other, she says hurtful things i pretend i dont hear or dosnt affect me but it all dose , i just dont show it to give her the enjoyment of knowing it cuts deep , not that she gets enjoyment , but im babbbling now .
In sumary were all sick here and snippy with each other , ive been very selfish today not focued more time in making sure the boys need s are met and he is all good , i sit in my own self sickness feeling sorry for my self, ive been a sook , i had planned all these fun little games for slave been doing some readng going to put her through her paces and now its all for shit , not that we cannot do it next weekend we have off toghter but i think thats the christmas weekend , 1 thing i have that has been helping me out and i can hear slave clenching her teeth right now , lol
WoW has been giving me a sense of relif , not that its bettr than slave but i can get all my negtive emotions out in a game that pretty much runs around combat and lots of it , plus there are new features so a 5 hour raid to just get started ( not including the raid) is now around 30 seconds to maybe 5 mins , and the raid it self , so far around 40 mins , wich is down from its usal 2 hours , this has been a lifesaver , i know most wont understand but , when i play wow i get a diffrent high to when i spank slave , its diffrent but the same , much like having her run about in the game with me , made me sooo fucking proud , i had my hot lil girl in a game i loved , to me its a dream come true and i know im sounding like a total nerd but its true ,
So what dose that leave me with now?
up the creek pretty much , i have tio juggle my hot lil slave who i love so much who is sick , the boy who is so sick cos he cannot just say mumy i need tablets or mum can i get a drink , so he needs extra care and then there is me the big sook ,
i got up this morning and i hurt , fuck me did i hurt , but poor slave i could see the how tired she was , her voice just confirmed it more , im weak and sick but slave and the boy must come first . we havent eaten and im so weark but no hunger , i dont know im not making anysense
bottom line im a sook i need to give more than i am , slave needs her rest the boy needs to be looked after and im not pulling my weight ,
Master
In sumary were all sick here and snippy with each other , ive been very selfish today not focued more time in making sure the boys need s are met and he is all good , i sit in my own self sickness feeling sorry for my self, ive been a sook , i had planned all these fun little games for slave been doing some readng going to put her through her paces and now its all for shit , not that we cannot do it next weekend we have off toghter but i think thats the christmas weekend , 1 thing i have that has been helping me out and i can hear slave clenching her teeth right now , lol
WoW has been giving me a sense of relif , not that its bettr than slave but i can get all my negtive emotions out in a game that pretty much runs around combat and lots of it , plus there are new features so a 5 hour raid to just get started ( not including the raid) is now around 30 seconds to maybe 5 mins , and the raid it self , so far around 40 mins , wich is down from its usal 2 hours , this has been a lifesaver , i know most wont understand but , when i play wow i get a diffrent high to when i spank slave , its diffrent but the same , much like having her run about in the game with me , made me sooo fucking proud , i had my hot lil girl in a game i loved , to me its a dream come true and i know im sounding like a total nerd but its true ,
So what dose that leave me with now?
up the creek pretty much , i have tio juggle my hot lil slave who i love so much who is sick , the boy who is so sick cos he cannot just say mumy i need tablets or mum can i get a drink , so he needs extra care and then there is me the big sook ,
i got up this morning and i hurt , fuck me did i hurt , but poor slave i could see the how tired she was , her voice just confirmed it more , im weak and sick but slave and the boy must come first . we havent eaten and im so weark but no hunger , i dont know im not making anysense
bottom line im a sook i need to give more than i am , slave needs her rest the boy needs to be looked after and im not pulling my weight ,
Master
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