when you get too close to the sun

Pain would be a great way to describe how im feeling right now and tired not far behind it , its been a mixed weekend wihtout the boy, we had about 24 hours of total submission , it didnt go as well as i had liked , i feel im being too soft on slave and i had to punish her this morning, and a little this afternoon to remind her of what had happened when we woke up , but to be honest right now i hurt , my knees throb like my cock dose when i see her in her slave out fits.My back i dunno it stings greatly too , i put on a brave face but i do hurt , there is also something i fear , well a few things work and the like being shits , but this summer i do fear , unlike most summers ive wacked on alot of weight , last year i was 100 kg , now i dont know but i would say at least 120 to 130 , this summer is going to hurt , the hea will hit hard and i have to be up for it , the good news is slave will be losing it with me , ive planned a few swim weekends and beach fun once its just me and slave , plus minor weights to to help tone her arms up , nothing too great it will take time but hopefully slave will get that body she wants so bad ,

As for the kink in our lives, friday was fun in many ways and in others i lacked being the good Master i should be , i get so caught up in making sure slave has little to nothing to clean up when i should be holding her letting her know im there for her , sat was fun too but once again i need to give her more contact to let her know master loves her and is there for her,
 I feel sometimes im too soft or too strict or ..... i know i should just let my Dom side flow and let her follow , but some times its not that easy, i will say this much i love her company and its feels more right when im more in more control , we have the boy back and some respect i will pull back on the play just for tonight i just hurt too dam much , but i think punishments will stay , as for what i will do? depends on what has happened how bad it was ,
when you get too close to the sun you burn up , im not burnt up or burnt out but i feel like ive lost sight of how to be a better master for slave , im not sure if its pressure from work or my knees i just feel i should be doing more taking more control , i think while at work ( working nights now im going to study the rules and burn them into my brain , so i can be the totally freaking most awesome master for her ,
i love her so very much